Thursday, November 20, 2014

Iambic Smackdown

Context: A user posted on one of my friend's drawings, claiming that the sword she drew was as weak as tinfoil. 

Said user (his comment is hidden):
[Insert something the sword being too light to be effective in battle]
My friend, death-g-reaper, replies:
Well, it's meant to be a jian, sooo... no. They weigh about two pounds at most.
Said user responds (comment hidden):
[Insert something about "Let me put it in haiku for you" and two haikus elaborating on how historically inaccurate the drawing is]
death-g-reaper, who clearly has done her research, says:
It's a traditional form of Chinese sword meant to wielded with one hand dating back to 7th century BC. It is designed for speed, stabbing, and quick slashes. It was one of the four key weapons used by Chinese soldiers for over 2,500 years. If you believe it to be impractical, take it up with 2,500 years of Chinese military history.
I butt in at this point and respond to his haikus in kind:
So let me reply:
Swords are usually light
Two is not that light 
A sword of two pounds
Though a bit lighter than most
Is most effective 
[Let me google that for you]
Said user replies (comment hidden):
[Insert three, snobby haikus, one of which claiming that the sword would crumple in tinfoil in battle and that it is no stronger than steel wool, one claiming that swords are made for cutting through armour and bone-breaking, and one of which asking if, or saying, his haikus were good]
death-g-reaper (who maybe should be an author on this blog as well) responds:
None of them were good. I don't think you know very much about swords. There are literally hundreds of types of swords in the world and only some of them were meant to break bones, and those were mostly European. Jian swords are generally made of steel, and not stainless steel, real steel. Have you ever used a steel blade? While I may not have used a jian, I have used steel blades before and they are sharp, durable and do not need to be sharpened often. Also, your statement that swords were never meant to cut but to break bones is possibly one of the most ignorant statements I've ever heard. To quote Mark Twain, "If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could have today." Last of all, they are not meant for cutting through armor. They are small and light in order for greater accuracy in cutting and stabbing between pieces of armor.
 Fed up as well, I respond with a harder form of poetry:
Actually, indeed, a sword I've held!
It's you, wondereth I, have knowledge such;
By prose you claim one can one way be felled
By a most unwieldy blade--what a crutch! 
As says my friend, you speak so thoughtlessly;
Tell me, for when has such a sword been made?
It would weigh so, it would be unseemly--
If you, perhaps, could wield a ten-pound blade! 
That is what bone-breakage would take, you fool
And such a plot would be idiocy!
So, to claim two-pounds is worse than steel wool--
Check your stance again; perhaps then you'll see. 
Then, fancy I am wrong and you will not;
After all, some people never learn, y'wot?

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY: Do your research before you claim to know facts. It makes you look bad if you don't.

Remember: The internet never forgets, and never forgives.

No comments:

Post a Comment